Hike Route B (a short script)

EXT. FIELD. DAY.
Two men, PETER and JOHN are walking along a footpath at the side of the field. Both are dressed in full rambler’s regalia including waterproofs, boots, backpacks, binoculars and maps. They pause every now and then to point out scenery and so on.
As the day goes on we see them at various intervals walking across the countryside.
The last of these has what appears to be a BODY in the foreground as the two men approach. As they arrive at the body, they pause to consider it, and look at each other, bemused.

PETER
(To the body)
H… hello?
There is no reaction, the men, again exchange glances. JOHN uses his foot to turn the body onto its back, but steps back in shock at the sight of a woman who is clearly dead.

JOHN
I think she’s dead.

PETER
It would appear so, yes.

They pause and look around for any signs of life or clues.
There is nothing.
They look to each other and then, together, towards the sky and back to the body, confused.

JOHN
Let’s go.

PETER
Where?

JOHN
(Looking about)
Over there?

He gestures in the direction of another plain field.

PETER
What about her?

JOHN
I don’t think she’s up to the walk.

PETER
We can’t just leave her here.

JOHN
Why not?

PETER
Well… (Whispering) She’s dead, isn’t she?

JOHN
Maybe.

PETER
She looks dead.

JOHN
She might be pretending.

PETER
She’s got a hole in her head and it’s bleeding.

JOHN
So what shall we do?

PETER looks blankly at JOHN, who in turn looks at the body.
JOHN then begins to open his rucksack, and much to the distress of PETER, pulls out a flask.

PETER
(Staring in disbelief at JOHN)
What have you got in there?

JOHN
Soup.

PETER
Minestrone?

JOHN
Cream of tomato.

PETER
What good is that going to do?

JOHN
I’m hungry.

PETER
This is hardly the time or the place for…

JOHN
(Interrupting)
It helps me think.

JOHN sits next to the dead body and begins to pour out a beaker full.
PETER stares in disbelief.

PETER
You are unbelievable.

JOHN
I’m sorry… did you want some?

PETER
I don’t feel so good.

JOHN
It’s probably something you ate.

PETER
Probably.

Silence. PETER continues to look puzzled, whilst JOHN continues to drink his soup. Suddenly he spits his soup out all over the body.

JOHN
I’ve had an idea.

PETER
At last.
(Pause)
Well?

JOHN
Nothing.

PETER
What?

JOHN
Nothing.

PETER
Nothing?

JOHN
Nothing.

PETER
Oh.

JOHN
We do nothing. No one’s seen us here we could just… go.

PETER
And let someone else find her?

JOHN
Yes.

PETER
(Pause)
Okay.

They begin to walk off, but PETER stops in his tracks and turns back to the body.

JOHN
What are you doing?

PETER
We can’t leave her here.

JOHN
Why not?

PETER
She’s my wife.

JOHN
Oh… I thought she was in Barnsley…?

They stand, motionless, considering their options, a look of concern on both faces.

THE END

Hike Route B

And here it is!

Peter and John went for a walk. They often go for a walk. They like going for a walk.

Not anymore.



My first film. Crap. With a punchline.