From Brick Lane to Bethnal Green

That grotty nymph and I took a walk from Brick Lane (well, Spitalfields, actually) to my flat in Bethnal Green. We walked down Bethnal Green Road, as that is the way you go.

We also took some photos, and talked about them for you.

Josie: The Prologue (Summertime)

Ah bask in the glory of summer, as we wave farewell to deserter Josie Slimm, who leaves these fair shores for life in Australia today.

First up, the prologue to her party, in which a band plays a song while everyone dresses up.

Sweet Sweet Man Love

Random Boy, my gay cuddle bunny. The following actually happened! In reality!

Dog or Corpse?

It' a tricky question, but someone has to answer it. Why not these drunk people!

Would you rather have sex with a dog or a corpse? Predictably silly results.



I'm convinced. It would be a pleasure either way.

The Greatest EVER Pool Game

While at the party, we accidentally had the GREATEST EVER pool game.

It had everything: tension, partnerships, balls, sunglasses, beer, music, controversy, steve allen, and even an ending with a twist!

One Minute Party*

Hot party action, for one minute, so you won't have to waste much of your life in re-living the joy.



*Obviously the actual party lasted longer than a minute, though I didn't feel the need to include all of it.

The scotch egg incident

There was an incident. It involved a scotch egg. Relive the glory in intimate detail here...

Do Squirrels eat Pistachio Nuts?

Yes they do!

A serious courgette problem

Dear mercilessly ever-expanding supermarket brand (that shall for obvious reasons remain nameless),

As you are my local store, I frequent your business on a regular basis (in the evening, after work).

However, I have NEVER, in all my routine visits, EVER seen a courgette upon your shelves.

I have seen boxes designed for courgettes; I have seen signs displaying the price of courgettes; I have seen pictures of courgettes, insensitively mocking me from the self-service checkout screen (I know them to be green and phallic).

But never, not once, has the physical embodiment of a courgette actually graced your otherwise well stocked branch.

It is for this reason that I write to you, with a humble suggestion that may seem controversial, maverick perhaps, but that I truly believe will revolutionise your courgette retail in a most dynamic manner.

BUY MORE FUCKING COURGETTES.

Thank You.

Cheese and Port

As I sat on a fine late summer's day in Victoria Park, with Christopher J. Stone by my side, I couldn't help feeling a little romantic.

Here we were, two eligible batchelors in a secluded setting, discussing the merits of fine cheeses over a glass of port wine.

It was an extremely erotic experience.

And here for your audiovisual pleasure is that very experience, and our candid thoughts on the flavours we were experiencing.

We then went back to mine and made love for some time. Though this is not included in the video for reasons of taste.

How to clean poo of your leg in a rural environment

Poor old Christopher J. Stone!

No sooner had we sat down to enjoy our cheese and port, than he realised he had a suspicious substance all over his legs.

But how was he to clean it off with no sanitation facil.ities nearby?

Find out here...



And as if that wasn't enough fun for one day, we then saw my flatmate! What are the chances?

Green Man Festival Part 4

It's been a long time (well, a few days) coming, but here at last is part four of my Green Man festival experience.

Here Nymph of the Grot and my good self discuss the merits (or lack thereof) of festival toiletting. But here's the clever bit - we do it from each other's gender specific perspective. And then get a bit confused.

Just how do male and female portaloo habits conflict?

Find out below!

Polishing Piranhas!

Yesterday I went in to Foyles bookshop, looking for books.

I meandered over to the childrens section (not because I am a child, but because I was looking for a book for a child).

Next to the childrens section was a fish tank, and in that fish tank was some piranhas.

Above the tank there was a sign. It read:

"PLEASE DO NOT SPRAY POLISH NEAR THE FISH"

Which is fortunate, as that was exactly what I was about to do.