The Tiny Nazi

During a well earned lunch break from walking the Welsh hills, Clive notices something in Lenka's hair...

Hilarity and tragedy, in equal parts, ensue.

The Hand at Llanarmon

For a place to stay in North Wales, I heartily recommend 'The Hand' at Llanarmon. It's located in blissful peace, is run by very friendly management, serves up great food and drink, and has an interesting backstory to boot.

The tallest waterfall in Wales

We took a trip to Pistyll Rhaeadr, Wales's highest waterfall. But where exactly is it? And is that a mermaid in the pool beneath? Questions, questions...

Boating in Bath - epilogue

Finally, everyone put down their weapons, wiped their crying eyes, and agreed we'd had fun. But nobody told Shaun, who was convinced he had been witness to one of the great 21st century disasters.

Did anyone see a ghost?

Steve Allen soon lightened the mood by requesting a drink. Nice work Steve!

Boating in Bath - part four

Back on dry land we were keen to assess the damage. It got pretty heated from there, fights broke out, people began to cry, and we all felt fairly depressed at the day's outcome. So much hope, dashed.

Boating in Bath - part three

Our time at the pub over, we headed back down that treacherous patch of river to the safety of the boathouse.

Tensions escalate as a healthy mix of alcohol and chauvinism reach fever pitch, while Steve Allen comfortably eats a banana.

Boating in Bath - part two

After a treacherous journey upstream, the motley crew of boaters relax and collect their thoughts at a nearby public house, The Bathampton Mill.

Boating in Bath - part one

A whole massive group of brilliant people headed for a weekend in Bath, and spent a beautiful Saturday rowing up the Avon to a pub, drinking in aforementioned pub, and then rowing back down the the boathouse.

The first part of this epic adventure is captured in this short video.

Our day trip to the depths of hell

Actually we went to the new (ish) shopping centre in West London - Westfield (without a field in sight!)

Anyway, it was pretty scary, until we arrived, and then it was quite nice. Then we went home and overanalysed it, as usual...

How to grow an un-killable houseplant

I didn't think it was possible... But it is!

Nymph of the Grot demonstrates (with aplomb) how to raise this grubby fern from the jaws of death and back into the bookshelf of the living. Or something...

MERRY CHRISTMAS

With love from the Spraynes, and a very special Gest...

You Elfish Bastard

From the team that brought you the last ConVERSEation, here's another one...

Almighty Wind

A ConVERSEation.



That's right - It's a POEM! But one that takes the form of a CHAT!

Brilliant.

Breakfast in the East Village

Crazy shenanigans, I know. The final video of our New Yorkan stay is set in a little restaurant in the East Village.

SEE us look at the menu!

WATCH our breakfast get delivered!!

VIEW me take my first mouthful!!!



YUM YUM YUM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Alright, it's a bit boring, but it's well bloody real.)

Boat Tour Around Manhattan Island

Oh, to be, to be, at sea.

Here's me and Grotty on our boat tour of Manhattan. There we saw the sights of Liberty Island (or at least its eponymous sight), went under the Brooklyn Bridge (and for that matter its less famous sister, the Manhattan Bridge), gawped at the magnificent Manhattan skyline, sang a bastardised hybrid of the American and British national anthems, drew pictures of big buildings, listened to the dulcet tones of Kathleen Turner (and argued about which films she had been in) and generally larked around.

On a boat.

The South Street Seaport Stalk

So I ended up stalking the Nymph of the Grot down at the ferryport in Manhattan, which naturaly she didn't like very much.

And she told me so.

So I stopped.

The Museum of Modern Art

Finally we decided to brave the rain and head to MoMA for some cultural stuff.

Nymph of the Grot takes us on a tour of part of the museum before sadly we get chucked out as the selfish museum decided to close!

This is an abstract film exploring key themes of art, escalators and overpriced rickshaws.

Coffee in New York

Nymph of the Grot and myself escaped the lousy good for nothing rain in a little coffee shop and had some of the famous cheesecake. Yum.

We then recorded this short video about our day so far...

Totally Locally Poetry

Here is some poetry wot me and old Nymph of the Grot wrote in the pub the other day. Yeah.

Old ladies in cardies repeat what they say,
When conversing on the subject of All Saint Shaznay.
They argue over whether she out-sung Mel Blatt,
Only agreeing on the poor vocals from the Appletons - Nic & Nat.

The issue of impotence enters their talk,
They speak candidly of sex, making their grandkids balk.
It's Barry, Pat's husband, that comes up the most,
His erectile dysfunction she likens to soggy toast.
Sharon pipes up with "It happens to the best of 'em",
Pat replies "I could handle the worst, so show me the rest of 'em".

But Christine, who's been sitting in silence,
Gets her kicks from glamourised violence:
"I don't care if it's turgid or floppy,
I'd rather watch TV with some red pesto gnocchi.
Her eyes say it all as they dart round the room,
Looking for someone to play big spoon.

The ladies go quiet, wondering who will 'fess up next,
Roger's wife Deborah admits "I've never been sexed".
Lyndsay Ramirez, the Albanian Jew says;
"I'll show you a good time, why not become a lez?"

Refractolator Scrabble

Here are some sexy pictures of scrabble. I took these through a refractolator thing of a travel scrabble board covered in words that are significant to myself and old Nympho.

Happy Punkday

It was Steve's 26th, and he'd come all the way back to Blighty to celebrate.

However, we weren't to know that, so Picto, Steve Allen, Random Boy, The Slyson-Dimms and Nymph of the Grot rocked out on his behalf for this groundbreaking music video song thing.

The Maltese Spa

I'd be a fool not to accept a free trip away, to one of Europe's top Spa resorts, so when the offer came in from my lady friend, I jumped at the chance.

Fortunately for the chance, I mistimed my jump, missed the chance completely, and ended up in a tree.

But I still went to the spa. Here are a few little videos of our time there, displaying some of the treatments the classy suites have to offer...

THE BATHROOM



THE DERMALIFE



THE STRESSBUSTER



As anticipated, we were absolutely shattered by the end of the weekend, and had to take it easy the next day at work...

From Brick Lane to Bethnal Green

That grotty nymph and I took a walk from Brick Lane (well, Spitalfields, actually) to my flat in Bethnal Green. We walked down Bethnal Green Road, as that is the way you go.

We also took some photos, and talked about them for you.

The Greatest EVER Pool Game

While at the party, we accidentally had the GREATEST EVER pool game.

It had everything: tension, partnerships, balls, sunglasses, beer, music, controversy, steve allen, and even an ending with a twist!

Green Man Festival Part 4

It's been a long time (well, a few days) coming, but here at last is part four of my Green Man festival experience.

Here Nymph of the Grot and my good self discuss the merits (or lack thereof) of festival toiletting. But here's the clever bit - we do it from each other's gender specific perspective. And then get a bit confused.

Just how do male and female portaloo habits conflict?

Find out below!

Green Man Festival Part One

This year a motley crew of us headed over to the Brecon Beacons for the Green Man festival. We had a lovely time, despite all the folk music, and here is part one in a series aimed at telling you why.

On the Friday the weather was (comparatively) good. Sure it got worse from there, but I've chosen to focus on the Friday.

Green Man Festival Part Two

So it got dark...

But never fear, my new video camera has NIGHTVISION!

Everyone looked a bit weird but we carried on regardless.

In this next short video, Picto and Nymph of the Grot get in-depth and existensial about the highs and lows of festival bar work. It is also perhaps of note that they do so in a tent.

Green Man Festival Part Three

In this short video, we move our attention to Friday headliner Joanna Newsom.

She spent an unbelievebale amout of time warming up her cold dead harp, so long in fact, that Nymphy, Picto and I got all multi-media to pass the time, making, among other things, the video you're about to see.

Naturally our conversation evolved on to fucking pigeons (sexually), which I blame Joanna entirely for.

She was very good in the end, but sadly all you get from this video is us waiting around talking about dirty bird sex and a slight feeling of nausea.

Apologies (especially to J.N.)

A cookery lesson from Nymph of the Grot

Not only did I do for you a virtual tour, I also videoed Nymph of the Grot, who was busying herself making vegetable pearl barley risotto for me.

And very tasty it was too.



Let me know if you want the recipe...

Featherdown Farm - A tour of the tent

I went along to a lovely farm in Penzance. It was callled 'Featherdown'.

Let me take you on a tour of the tent...

Nightmare on Elmcroft Street

WATCH the trailer for this gruesome horror film here!

Nymph of the Grot had a party. Everyone was welcome. This proved to be her downfall. A weird Mancunian called Jason proved to be the problem. Terrifying, haunting stuff!