Ben's Stag do (Part one - Arrival)

As Best Man for the wedding of the century, I had the dubious honour of organising the stag do. Which I did BRILLIANTLY (awfully).

We arrived in Porthcothan Bay in the middle of the night to an almighty scene. It was all kicking off!

Sadly, by the time I had located my video camera it had all stopped kicking off, so we were left to muse over recent incidents, welcome everyone to the campsite, whisper a lot, and eat some brie and mango wraps.

Which we all did MAGNIFICENTLY. Before heading of to bed at the faintest hint of rain.

Boating in Bath - epilogue

Finally, everyone put down their weapons, wiped their crying eyes, and agreed we'd had fun. But nobody told Shaun, who was convinced he had been witness to one of the great 21st century disasters.

Did anyone see a ghost?

Steve Allen soon lightened the mood by requesting a drink. Nice work Steve!

Boating in Bath - part four

Back on dry land we were keen to assess the damage. It got pretty heated from there, fights broke out, people began to cry, and we all felt fairly depressed at the day's outcome. So much hope, dashed.

Boating in Bath - part three

Our time at the pub over, we headed back down that treacherous patch of river to the safety of the boathouse.

Tensions escalate as a healthy mix of alcohol and chauvinism reach fever pitch, while Steve Allen comfortably eats a banana.

Boating in Bath - part two

After a treacherous journey upstream, the motley crew of boaters relax and collect their thoughts at a nearby public house, The Bathampton Mill.

Boating in Bath - part one

A whole massive group of brilliant people headed for a weekend in Bath, and spent a beautiful Saturday rowing up the Avon to a pub, drinking in aforementioned pub, and then rowing back down the the boathouse.

The first part of this epic adventure is captured in this short video.

Bestiality ROCKS!

Seriously, I was, like you, a lover of all things human. Until last weekend, when I happened to get drunk and dip my toe in unchartered waters, thanks to the HOTTEST pig I have ever met, Daisy.



But you can hardly blame me for my infidelity. I learnt everything I know from the master, Picto, who earlier in the evening had received head from a labrador.

Josie: The Prologue (Summertime)

Ah bask in the glory of summer, as we wave farewell to deserter Josie Slimm, who leaves these fair shores for life in Australia today.

First up, the prologue to her party, in which a band plays a song while everyone dresses up.

Dog or Corpse?

It' a tricky question, but someone has to answer it. Why not these drunk people!

Would you rather have sex with a dog or a corpse? Predictably silly results.



I'm convinced. It would be a pleasure either way.

Green Man Festival Part One

This year a motley crew of us headed over to the Brecon Beacons for the Green Man festival. We had a lovely time, despite all the folk music, and here is part one in a series aimed at telling you why.

On the Friday the weather was (comparatively) good. Sure it got worse from there, but I've chosen to focus on the Friday.

Green Man Festival Part Two

So it got dark...

But never fear, my new video camera has NIGHTVISION!

Everyone looked a bit weird but we carried on regardless.

In this next short video, Picto and Nymph of the Grot get in-depth and existensial about the highs and lows of festival bar work. It is also perhaps of note that they do so in a tent.

Green Man Festival Part Three

In this short video, we move our attention to Friday headliner Joanna Newsom.

She spent an unbelievebale amout of time warming up her cold dead harp, so long in fact, that Nymphy, Picto and I got all multi-media to pass the time, making, among other things, the video you're about to see.

Naturally our conversation evolved on to fucking pigeons (sexually), which I blame Joanna entirely for.

She was very good in the end, but sadly all you get from this video is us waiting around talking about dirty bird sex and a slight feeling of nausea.

Apologies (especially to J.N.)

Thailand 20 - Deal

While in the market, Steve and I came across a stall run by a lovely man who wanted to do business with us - namely by us exporting his weed grinders at 80 baht a time.

We played along with this tantelising offer, but chickened out at the last minute and gave him our good friend Picto's details instead...

Nightmare on Elmcroft Street

WATCH the trailer for this gruesome horror film here!

Nymph of the Grot had a party. Everyone was welcome. This proved to be her downfall. A weird Mancunian called Jason proved to be the problem. Terrifying, haunting stuff!

Picto Doppelganger

I met a guy at Exit who looked EXACTLY like my friend Picto. It was uncanny, but Picto was in Bolivia at the time. I HAD to get a photo of this man. And here he is.


I think his name was Cain.

Picto

My friend Shaun (Picto) is a funny chap. Here is one example of why...



Just remembered I really should fill you in on another memorable shaun
weekend in brighton the other day.
The first thing he did was pull james' flatmate kat...
It was really funny actually, he was playing baa baa black sheep on the ocarina, and she was gushing, "oh shaun, that's amazing" (really), so i left them to it on the sofa and slept in kats bed.
The next night after walking out of the club without telling anyone (paranoia?), shaun went back to james' and sat around with james' other flatmate and tried to pull her mate. when i got back i thought he was getting it on, but he wasnt, just had his hand near her arse.
He then proceeded to get really f*cked and knock things over. first he knocked over a shisha, burnt a hole in this girl's tights (and her leg)and left a big block of coal on the wooden laminate floor.
Five minutes later we can smell burning and shaun has managed to also burn a big black hole in the aforementioned floor, without noticing, despite the fact it was right by his foot.
Then he knocked over a bottle of wine.
Then he knocked over the same bottle of wine, again (spilling what was left in it).
Then he dropped an ashtray and broke it.
Then he knocked several juggling balls (we were at james') and a bottle of massage oil (don't ask) onto the floor and all over james' work file of arty stuff. (didn't bother to clean this one up). (or any of the others for that matter).
Then he knocked over another miscellaneous bottle (magically still full, despite our having drunk everything).

Just as i thought my life was in danger from THE clumsiest man alive(he was also smoking like a trooper, which he had been refusing to do all day because of the 'problem') i knocked over another bottle of wine all over my mobile. which is now 2lbs heavier...

Do you know how interesting your friends are?

My good friend 'Picto' wrote to me so I wouldn't forget how cool I was. Or something...

Hi,
Sprengiko...
...how are you?

I keep meaning to tell you this but I've been waiting and monitoring it over the past few weeks. Basically, every time I speak to one of the other guys you normally come up in conversation, kind of like this:

friend A: "Did you get Rich's latest e-mail?"
friend B: "Yeah, I think so. What was it about?"
friend A: "It was really funny, he's, um. It was bloody funny anyway."
friend B: "Yeah, I remeber. It was really funny."
friend A: "The way he writes, so funny."
friend B: "So what you up to this weekend, fancy doing something?"
friend A: "Yeah, probably. I'm easy"
friend B: "Guess I'll see you then, then."

Anyway, anyway, anyway (get those fuckers out the way to save starting all my paragraphs with anyway). Anyway, good to hear you've been sleeping with girls - it's the technicallities that don't count - 'sleeping with' 'smeaching with' who cares. CR sounds good - how hot is it out there at the moment?

I'm going to St. Lucia next week for ten days - don't know if you fancy rowing over or something? Preferably not, but the offer's valid.

I haven't really got a lot else to say - just letting you know that you're being thought of and that there'll be lots to do when you're back.

Merry cuntmous x