QED Market - London's Southbank

I headed down to the Southbank the other day, to make an atmospheric video of the QED market.

Totally recommended! The food and drink was fabulous, and the video went OK too!

Ben's Stag Do (Part Six - Night)

All good things, as they say, must come to an end.

Having lost the light we made the trek back up to the campsite, complete with fire in tow (nice work Mr. Hud...) back near the safety of the tents, James spotted a UFO and mused a little about aliens, while I mused on the highlights and lowlights of the weekend.

Everyone else slowly went to bed, leaving Shaun and I to cook his fingers. Then our stag Ben returned, with cramp in his leg. Shaun beatboxed and got him to dance a little, which solved the problem. And that was that.

Ben's Stag Do (Part Five - Beach)

All that sport meant we were in need of a break, so we left the campsite and headed for the beach, where the sun came out, we made hay (not literally) ad then the sun went in again and it pissed it down. So we went inside a cave and hung about looking miserable, while James climbed a rock.

Ben's Stag Do (Part Four - Sport)

Being healthy young males, we worked off our delightful breakfast with a mixture of professional sports. We played Sack Hackey - a game similar to hackey sacks but requiring less skill, cricket (not depicted), and football (shirts v skins - skins ending up complete losers).

We also bought some food and lots of drink, which Steve carefully displays.

Ben's Stag Do (Part Three - Breakfast)

Then we only went and had breakfast... Which took ages, largely because we couldn't light the fire. We tried everything... Wood... Paper... Books... Then some bright spark admitted they had firelighters, and the rest was history.

Ben's Stag Do (Part Two - Morning)

We woke up and got up. Some people had already been for a surf. Others were trying to find their toothbrushes. It was wet.

Ben's Stag do (Part one - Arrival)

As Best Man for the wedding of the century, I had the dubious honour of organising the stag do. Which I did BRILLIANTLY (awfully).

We arrived in Porthcothan Bay in the middle of the night to an almighty scene. It was all kicking off!

Sadly, by the time I had located my video camera it had all stopped kicking off, so we were left to muse over recent incidents, welcome everyone to the campsite, whisper a lot, and eat some brie and mango wraps.

Which we all did MAGNIFICENTLY. Before heading of to bed at the faintest hint of rain.

The Tiny Nazi

During a well earned lunch break from walking the Welsh hills, Clive notices something in Lenka's hair...

Hilarity and tragedy, in equal parts, ensue.

The Hand at Llanarmon

For a place to stay in North Wales, I heartily recommend 'The Hand' at Llanarmon. It's located in blissful peace, is run by very friendly management, serves up great food and drink, and has an interesting backstory to boot.

The tallest waterfall in Wales

We took a trip to Pistyll Rhaeadr, Wales's highest waterfall. But where exactly is it? And is that a mermaid in the pool beneath? Questions, questions...

A short walk in the Berwyn Mountains

Nymph of the Grot and myself went for a wander through the quiet, picturesque and idyllic Berwyn Mountains, in North Wales. I huffed and puffed and swore at sheep, while Payno enjoyed the flowers and got a bit wet. Then disaster struck, and I lost her down an old mine. RIP.

Pontcysyllte Aqueduct

The latest addition to UNESCO's World Heritage Site list - This aqueduct is really old and watery.

Nymph of the Grot explains more, and then interviews a man.

Boating in Bath - epilogue

Finally, everyone put down their weapons, wiped their crying eyes, and agreed we'd had fun. But nobody told Shaun, who was convinced he had been witness to one of the great 21st century disasters.

Did anyone see a ghost?

Steve Allen soon lightened the mood by requesting a drink. Nice work Steve!

Boating in Bath - part four

Back on dry land we were keen to assess the damage. It got pretty heated from there, fights broke out, people began to cry, and we all felt fairly depressed at the day's outcome. So much hope, dashed.

Boating in Bath - part three

Our time at the pub over, we headed back down that treacherous patch of river to the safety of the boathouse.

Tensions escalate as a healthy mix of alcohol and chauvinism reach fever pitch, while Steve Allen comfortably eats a banana.

Boating in Bath - interlude

I took a short break from the debauched frivolity to head out onto the sluice with Steve Collins, a local historian, who wanted to give me a bit of historical perspective on the area.

I soon discovered this was all a front and his motives were far more sinister...

Boating in Bath - part two

After a treacherous journey upstream, the motley crew of boaters relax and collect their thoughts at a nearby public house, The Bathampton Mill.

Boating in Bath - part one

A whole massive group of brilliant people headed for a weekend in Bath, and spent a beautiful Saturday rowing up the Avon to a pub, drinking in aforementioned pub, and then rowing back down the the boathouse.

The first part of this epic adventure is captured in this short video.

abundant: The Showreel

abundant are an excellent multimedia company. This is what they do.



Now call them up and offer them money!

Afghanistan!

So I went to Afghanistan, with The S*n, to video the troops. Below are links to some of my videos...

On Patrol in Kandahar

Operation Blue Sword

Trapped in Sniper Alley

The Seige of Marjah School

Mission Complete!

The Paramount Picture Show

Episode 1



Featuring - Watchmen, Tales of the Black Freighter, Eagle Eye, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, Ghost Town & I Love You, Man.

Our day trip to the depths of hell

Actually we went to the new (ish) shopping centre in West London - Westfield (without a field in sight!)

Anyway, it was pretty scary, until we arrived, and then it was quite nice. Then we went home and overanalysed it, as usual...

How to grow an un-killable houseplant

I didn't think it was possible... But it is!

Nymph of the Grot demonstrates (with aplomb) how to raise this grubby fern from the jaws of death and back into the bookshelf of the living. Or something...

Percival Pig

Here's my nan June reciting a favourite poem, Percival Pig, from her chair in Edinburgh.

Nitrogen Narcosis @ The Blue Hole

Here's my diving video wot I made. And yes, I was learning all about the silly effects you can do on Final Cut.

Extreme Toothbrushing UK

The very latest extreme sport to come out of the yooo kayyy!

It's extreme toothbrushing, and it doesn't come more extreme than this, with poetry and editing employed to get that gnarliest brush man!

You Elfish Bastard

From the team that brought you the last ConVERSEation, here's another one...

Almighty Wind

A ConVERSEation.



That's right - It's a POEM! But one that takes the form of a CHAT!

Brilliant.

Breakfast in the East Village

Crazy shenanigans, I know. The final video of our New Yorkan stay is set in a little restaurant in the East Village.

SEE us look at the menu!

WATCH our breakfast get delivered!!

VIEW me take my first mouthful!!!



YUM YUM YUM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Alright, it's a bit boring, but it's well bloody real.)

Boat Tour Around Manhattan Island

Oh, to be, to be, at sea.

Here's me and Grotty on our boat tour of Manhattan. There we saw the sights of Liberty Island (or at least its eponymous sight), went under the Brooklyn Bridge (and for that matter its less famous sister, the Manhattan Bridge), gawped at the magnificent Manhattan skyline, sang a bastardised hybrid of the American and British national anthems, drew pictures of big buildings, listened to the dulcet tones of Kathleen Turner (and argued about which films she had been in) and generally larked around.

On a boat.

The South Street Seaport Stalk

So I ended up stalking the Nymph of the Grot down at the ferryport in Manhattan, which naturaly she didn't like very much.

And she told me so.

So I stopped.

Richard's Pasta Cafe

Another video for you fine video loving folk, here's one of some fellow called Richard making a less-than-hilarious joke (in fact it's not exactly a joke, more a mildly amusing play-on-words) about a pasta cafe.



Because 'pasta' sounds a bit like 'past a'. Geddit??? GEDDIT???

Honestly, there's just no pleasing some people is there, you anorexic bastards.

The Museum of Modern Art

Finally we decided to brave the rain and head to MoMA for some cultural stuff.

Nymph of the Grot takes us on a tour of part of the museum before sadly we get chucked out as the selfish museum decided to close!

This is an abstract film exploring key themes of art, escalators and overpriced rickshaws.

Coffee in New York

Nymph of the Grot and myself escaped the lousy good for nothing rain in a little coffee shop and had some of the famous cheesecake. Yum.

We then recorded this short video about our day so far...

Ode to Parazone

A short poem with stimulating visual concept design, dedicated to the love of my life, Parazone Toilet Bleach.

No other rose would smell as sweet I reckon...

Televisionhead - Always

Yep, I was bored the other day, so I hooked my camera up to my televisions and videoed it on my handycam. The results are not particularly impressive, but I did put a hat on top of the telly to make it look like that was actually my face, which is pretty bloody clever if you ask me.

Like the musicians Radiohead, I wanted my own little slice of immortality. Unfortunately I was not particularly creative in my choice of song, hence Bon Jovi reared their ugly heads once more, and this Romeo began to bleed.

I am actually quite ashamed of myself. The only reason, dear viewer, that I am allowing you access to this damning rubbish, is that I aim to display my own ego in a negative light.

I do so hope that has been achieved.

Thank you.

Can Crushing Fiesta

Say what you like about the Evans Brothers, but they would make excellent wives, as we found out at a recent party.

Here, the following morning, Old Tom Evans crushes cans to death with his bare shoe! What a man / lady.

This is actually a pointless video.

Happy Punkday

It was Steve's 26th, and he'd come all the way back to Blighty to celebrate.

However, we weren't to know that, so Picto, Steve Allen, Random Boy, The Slyson-Dimms and Nymph of the Grot rocked out on his behalf for this groundbreaking music video song thing.

The Maltese Spa

I'd be a fool not to accept a free trip away, to one of Europe's top Spa resorts, so when the offer came in from my lady friend, I jumped at the chance.

Fortunately for the chance, I mistimed my jump, missed the chance completely, and ended up in a tree.

But I still went to the spa. Here are a few little videos of our time there, displaying some of the treatments the classy suites have to offer...

THE BATHROOM



THE DERMALIFE



THE STRESSBUSTER



As anticipated, we were absolutely shattered by the end of the weekend, and had to take it easy the next day at work...

The Ancient Art of Chinese Leaf Diving

Admittedly it's a little known sport, but Chinese Leaf Diving is really taking off in certain areas, particularly in the Epping Forest area of Essex (Oct - Nov).

Here I demonstrate C.L.D. Whilst looking incredibly cool.



But of course, my deliberate mistake in all this was that my pit was too shallow for customary complete submergal in leaves. So I had another go, in a deeper pit, where, after a bit of bottling, I created a classic case of C.L.D. that any man would be proud of.

Tiger Tracking: The Movie

Here's the video of my trip to India in search of a tiger.

That is all.

Deer oh dear

Does exactly what it says on the tin, this one.

Crazy Leaf

Here is an Indian man who looks like Borat (he's actually none other than tiger expert Neel Gogate), demonstrating how to make a leaf go crazy! (It's actually very easy...)

From Brick Lane to Bethnal Green

That grotty nymph and I took a walk from Brick Lane (well, Spitalfields, actually) to my flat in Bethnal Green. We walked down Bethnal Green Road, as that is the way you go.

We also took some photos, and talked about them for you.

Sweet Sweet Man Love

Random Boy, my gay cuddle bunny. The following actually happened! In reality!

Dog or Corpse?

It' a tricky question, but someone has to answer it. Why not these drunk people!

Would you rather have sex with a dog or a corpse? Predictably silly results.



I'm convinced. It would be a pleasure either way.

The Greatest EVER Pool Game

While at the party, we accidentally had the GREATEST EVER pool game.

It had everything: tension, partnerships, balls, sunglasses, beer, music, controversy, steve allen, and even an ending with a twist!

The scotch egg incident

There was an incident. It involved a scotch egg. Relive the glory in intimate detail here...

Do Squirrels eat Pistachio Nuts?

Yes they do!

Cheese and Port

As I sat on a fine late summer's day in Victoria Park, with Christopher J. Stone by my side, I couldn't help feeling a little romantic.

Here we were, two eligible batchelors in a secluded setting, discussing the merits of fine cheeses over a glass of port wine.

It was an extremely erotic experience.

And here for your audiovisual pleasure is that very experience, and our candid thoughts on the flavours we were experiencing.

We then went back to mine and made love for some time. Though this is not included in the video for reasons of taste.

How to clean poo of your leg in a rural environment

Poor old Christopher J. Stone!

No sooner had we sat down to enjoy our cheese and port, than he realised he had a suspicious substance all over his legs.

But how was he to clean it off with no sanitation facil.ities nearby?

Find out here...



And as if that wasn't enough fun for one day, we then saw my flatmate! What are the chances?

Green Man Festival Part 4

It's been a long time (well, a few days) coming, but here at last is part four of my Green Man festival experience.

Here Nymph of the Grot and my good self discuss the merits (or lack thereof) of festival toiletting. But here's the clever bit - we do it from each other's gender specific perspective. And then get a bit confused.

Just how do male and female portaloo habits conflict?

Find out below!

Green Man Festival Part One

This year a motley crew of us headed over to the Brecon Beacons for the Green Man festival. We had a lovely time, despite all the folk music, and here is part one in a series aimed at telling you why.

On the Friday the weather was (comparatively) good. Sure it got worse from there, but I've chosen to focus on the Friday.

Green Man Festival Part Two

So it got dark...

But never fear, my new video camera has NIGHTVISION!

Everyone looked a bit weird but we carried on regardless.

In this next short video, Picto and Nymph of the Grot get in-depth and existensial about the highs and lows of festival bar work. It is also perhaps of note that they do so in a tent.

Green Man Festival Part Three

In this short video, we move our attention to Friday headliner Joanna Newsom.

She spent an unbelievebale amout of time warming up her cold dead harp, so long in fact, that Nymphy, Picto and I got all multi-media to pass the time, making, among other things, the video you're about to see.

Naturally our conversation evolved on to fucking pigeons (sexually), which I blame Joanna entirely for.

She was very good in the end, but sadly all you get from this video is us waiting around talking about dirty bird sex and a slight feeling of nausea.

Apologies (especially to J.N.)

A cookery lesson from Nymph of the Grot

Not only did I do for you a virtual tour, I also videoed Nymph of the Grot, who was busying herself making vegetable pearl barley risotto for me.

And very tasty it was too.



Let me know if you want the recipe...

Featherdown Farm - A tour of the tent

I went along to a lovely farm in Penzance. It was callled 'Featherdown'.

Let me take you on a tour of the tent...

Thailand 1 - Tuk Tuk

I'm going to start putting my Thai holiday video up in sections. I'm also going to backdate them so they run in order.

Clever huh?

Here's the first one, in which Neil books a ride (badly) in a Tuk Tuk. - not that I was much help...

Thailand 2 - Big Buddha

Nelly Rubi and I then headed over to look at a big buddha.

"That's quite a big Buddha", I thought. Before realising that behind the big Buddha was a truly massive Buddha.

Then Nelly took a photo.

Thailand 3 - Post Office

So Steve and I went to a post office. He posted stuff and I videoed him. We also got a good look at his tattoo, a Thai Soap Opera, and some Smint.

Thailand 4 - Coach

SO we left Bangkok and headed down to Koh Phangan. Unfortunately the coach took forever, so I took the opportunity to video Nelly and Steve as they waited at dawn for the coach to continue along its merry route.

Nelly had some interesting stuff to say about a girl's face, while Steve listened to music and tried to sing a song.

Thailand 5 - Always

Steve and I arrived in joyous Hat Salad, on the Thai island of Koh Phangan. We quickly settled in to our beach hut and performed a quick rendition of the classic Bon Jovi tune 'Always', while a small lizard looked on.

Then, having caught the singing bug, we sang at the lizard.

Does life get any better than this? I think not.

Thailand 7 - ant / tadpoles

Whilst visiting the waterfalls I spotted an ant. The ant led me to some tadpoles. Here are those glorious moments captured on video for all to see and share.

Isn't nature amazing?



The ant was called Bernard.

Thailand 8 - Koh Ma

Next we visited Koh Ma, the little island separated from Koh Phangan by a sandy isthmus. We had lunch, Nelly was not impressed, and then I crashed a motorbike. Fortunately the crash was not recorded, but I was more than happy to fill you in on what happened...

Thailand 9 - Truck

Time to swap beaches. On the truck ride across the island Nelly Rubi fills us in on what's going on.

And no, that isn't a microphone, it's a water bottle you fool!

Thailand 10 - Crabs

Then the crabs arrived, first Steve tried to scare Nellly with his pretty shell (hermit crab) then the crab world got their own back on Steve, albeit with the loss of a limb...

Crab-tastic!

Thailand 11 - Beaches

On Koh Phangan there are beaches. We visited them, mainly by boat.

Nelly drew a sand spider, I got a severe drenching and Steve got a rude awakening.



The beaches themselves were predominantly beach-like.

Thailand 12 - Random Thoughts

At some point during the trip I had some random thoughts.

Here they are, in technicolor!

Thailand 13 - Half Moon

Nelly took ages to prepare for the half moon party, so we quizzed him about his hopes for the night, while he straightened his curly ginger mop.

Thailand 14 - Herbal

Then, with Nelly recently departed, we had a little smoke and talked a little crap.

Thailand 15 - Hat Rin

Hat Rin. Travellers paradise or gap year trustafarians' boozy hang out? I'd plump for the latter, but the whiskey red bull buckets were great.

That said, the sight of another teenage backpacker jumping through fire would be enough for me to empty my alcoholic stomach back into the aforementioned bucket.



The twats.

Thailand 16 - Veranda

Time to relax methinks, and what better place to do so than on the veranda?

Cue manic foot tapping, flying ants, beer and of course the obligatory stray dog.

Thailand 17 - Sticky Rice

And so we made our way back to the mainland, stopping for Sticky Rice and Mango on the way. It was grey and wet, but that didn't stop Steve from pretending to play his guitar!

Thailand 18 - Market

Back in Bangkok, and Steve and I headed to a market for food and souvenirs. We probably got ripped off loads, but had fun nonetheless and sweated to within an inch of our lives...

Thailand 19 - Animals

Steve and I were quite disturbed to see the condition in which the animals were kept in the market. It was boiling hot and they were often packed in like sardines. We made this short video to highlight their plight.

Thailand 20 - Deal

While in the market, Steve and I came across a stall run by a lovely man who wanted to do business with us - namely by us exporting his weed grinders at 80 baht a time.

We played along with this tantelising offer, but chickened out at the last minute and gave him our good friend Picto's details instead...

Thailand 21 - Bookshop

Even more market action! From the people who brought you 'Deal', here's all the fun we had in a bookshop, full of random things like Audi magazines and books on drugs.

Steve almost bought a guitar book before launching into a story about pornography.

Thailand 22 - The Final Breakfast

And finally, after 22 videos, it came to an end.

It did so over a mediocre breakfast in Bangkok as we mused over what may or may not have happened the previous night.

And then we said our goodbyes, and wandered off into the sunset.

Nightmare on Elmcroft Street

WATCH the trailer for this gruesome horror film here!

Nymph of the Grot had a party. Everyone was welcome. This proved to be her downfall. A weird Mancunian called Jason proved to be the problem. Terrifying, haunting stuff!

Three Questions For Steve

It was new year. We missed Steve. We asked everyone three questions about Steve. They answered. That is all.

The sacrifice of wedlock.

Sometimes life throws up unexpected challenges that have to be dealt with in a mature yet agressive manner. I think this short film starring a random boy highlights this sublimely.

The James Trilogy

It was James's birthday. He was 25. In view of this, we wrote some songs and made some music videos in tribute to his quarter century.

We were drunk.

Last Exit Epilogue - Portsmouth

The end of the trip was nigh. It was late, I was bored and on my final train of the trip. So I recorded a little parting message as I went home.

I never did make that tube, but the man on the night bus let me on for free when I ran out of Oyster credit. He made my day.

Last Exit Part Eleven - France (again)

Our trip ended as it began - in France. Unfortunately we had to rush for our ferry, so we spent ages on a succession of trains before arriving in Le Havre very early and having to wait in the baking sun because it was Sunday and everything was shut.

Last Exit Part Ten - Switzerland

Next came Switzerland, and Lausanne, the skateboarding capital (apparently). The beer was a rip off, but the fondue was excellent. They even had pavements made of glass! I'm still not sure which language we were supposed to speak though...

Last Exit Part Nine - Italy

In Italy we sweated lots (and slept very little), caught trains that ran on time and ate stale food. (Pah! Stereotypes eh?) I stalked a pigeon as well.

Last Exit Part Eight - Slovenia

Not to be confused with Slovakia, Slovenia has clothes shops in place of hot women. We looked for food and found 'a massager made out of six penises'. (Penises? Penii? who knows)...

Last Exit Part Seven - Croatia

...In which we went out and got steaming drunk (the aftermath can be seen here). We also ate quite well and played in a fountain at 5am on the island of Cres. and we then got told off and went back to our apartment to dissect the night's events.

The we hung out in Riejka.

Last Exit Part Six - Serbia

And so we finally arrived at Exit. A phenominal festival, I would recommend it to anyone who has a soul or at the very least ears (two). Unfortunately I didn't film any of it, but there is some footage here of the beach by the river, the campsite, and a fat man from Sheffield...

Last Exit Part Five - Hungary (ish)

During the height of the cold war this footage was caught on CCTV of two spies connecting on a train. It is not known who they work for. The only facts are that it was near Hungary, and that that someone probably died as a result...

Last Exit Part Four - Slovakia

Bratislava.

The good news? ALL the women are hot.

The bad news? They are also on average three feet taller than me.

Last Exit Part Three - Czech Republic

In Prague I didn't film much as there was lots of people about. I would reccommend going to Prague, as long as you're not an agoraphobe.

Last Exit Part Two - Germany

And next came Germany. Schwabisch Hall, Stuttgart, trains that were late, people that were friendly, ahh Germany, Germany.

Last Exit Part One - France

Okay, so here by popular (lack of) demand is my interrailing holiday which I went on with Steve Allen and Andy Woody. Part one takes place in France (it being the closest country to England) and that is basically that.

Last Exit - The Trailer

Ah, holidays! How they warm the cockles, increase the peace, impregnate my yang.

Not only is there a half hour feature devoted to Steve Allen, Andy Woody and the interrailing trip to Serbia, but I also made a trailer, and here it is (i'll try and do the full version in segments over the next few whatevers...)

Eating in Stuttgart

Here we are eating in Stuttagrt. In case such a thing was deemed relevant to anything.

Steve's Surprise Party

What a lucky boy. Steve had a surprise party for his 24th and we invited some people, and him. And here are the results...

Road Trip

Winter holiday, Benjamin Cheng, icy Whistler down to sunny Mexico. Roads, cars, petrol stations, the list goes on. Here it is, in bitesize fun pack version.

Ben Cheng rocks my world.

Reflections of a Skyline

A lovely piece of video by Stereo Mike Tamman and Ricardo Jakesy Jacques that I was fortunate enough to work on one balmy summer on a Kensington rooftop!



Reflections of a Skyline from Michael Tamman and Vimeo.

La Hora Sabrosa

How I found myself being interviewed in Spanglish on a national Honduran light entertainment show I'll never know. But I did.

In reality it was in full technicolour, though that seems to be lost in the transfer. Nevertheless, here I am with the great Tonylow and his assistants (including Melvin) talking about my adverntures and being sung to.

Nice.